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Tue Apr 21
“One day my Fairy Godmother will come and rescue me from this horrible place. And she’ll be like, ‘You are going to this awesome totally fuckin’ VIP party tonight.’ And she’ll wave her wand and turn my bike into a huge pumpkin. And then I’ll make a salvia bong out of that pumpkin. And then my evil stepbrothers will walk in and be like, ‘You idiot. Now you don’t even have a bike.’ And I’ll be like, ‘Yeah, whatever. You’re just jealous because I have a magic pumpkin bong and crystal Vans.’ And then I’ll go to that party, and I’ll meet Prince Cobrasnake. And he’ll take, like, a million pictures of me licking Steve Aoki’s face.”

“One day my Fairy Godmother will come and rescue me from this horrible place. And she’ll be like, ‘You are going to this awesome totally fuckin’ VIP party tonight.’ And she’ll wave her wand and turn my bike into a huge pumpkin. And then I’ll make a salvia bong out of that pumpkin. And then my evil stepbrothers will walk in and be like, ‘You idiot. Now you don’t even have a bike.’ And I’ll be like, ‘Yeah, whatever. You’re just jealous because I have a magic pumpkin bong and crystal Vans.’ And then I’ll go to that party, and I’ll meet Prince Cobrasnake. And he’ll take, like, a million pictures of me licking Steve Aoki’s face.”