Look at this fucking hipster

“To prepare for my off broadway role as Jesus from The Big Lebowski, I’m practicing bowling and molesting 8-year olds.” - @NMFish

“I was excited until I realized ‘Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa’ was way too long to enter for my name.” - @debbiedayglo

“There’s only one pin I can’t knock down with a ball, and that’s my Dad’s loss of respect for me” - @AshleyAr

(Winning captions c/o Twitter book giveaway contest.)

“Oh, I thought one of the B’s in BBQ stood for ‘bathtub.’”

Look at this fucking headphones connection. 

“This is how Germans drink their energy drinks.”

“Ha! Check out this ugly car!”

“And I have a dreamcatcher where my prince albert used to be.”

“There’s seriously nothing like surround sound.”

“I don’t really have any spidey senses, but I love mary jane and I am a freelance party photographer. So…”