Look at this fucking hipster

“I think it’s illegal to text and razor scoot at the same time, but whatever. I live dangerously.”

Look at this fucking Nintendo connection. 

“I wish I could stay here and stare at this old lady’s face some more, but I got to head back inside. My ankles are freezing!”

“This dead tree is the perfect wingman.”

“To prepare for my off broadway role as Jesus from The Big Lebowski, I’m practicing bowling and molesting 8-year olds.” - @NMFish

“I was excited until I realized ‘Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa’ was way too long to enter for my name.” - @debbiedayglo

“There’s only one pin I can’t knock down with a ball, and that’s my Dad’s loss of respect for me” - @AshleyAr

(Winning captions c/o Twitter book giveaway contest.)

“Oh, I thought one of the B’s in BBQ stood for ‘bathtub.’”

Look at this fucking headphones connection. 

“This is how Germans drink their energy drinks.”